August 25, 2018

[Bonus] Worst Of SM Entertainment

This ought to be fun. Time for some motherfucking negativity up in here! Keeping with the S.M Entertainment theme, we're going to look at some of the worst selections (that are title tracks of course) to ever come out of that company. I did rank them, but that really means little when we're looking at the bottom of the barrel here. Some of the reasons are music-related, and some are purely hate-based. If something sounds bad, then it's bad. Simple as that. Let's see the worst material from one of the top entertainment labels in Korea.
#10. BoA - Nega Dola
Remember we're talking about bad songs so it's better to be up here than down there. Boy it feels bad to list BoA but I gotta do it. "Nega Dola" isn't even a below average song, but it would've been a great song if not for the horrific decision to make BoA rap. There are some things that you should never do. Giving BoA some pitiful rap lines in every verse leaves an awful taste in your mouth, and an awful sound in your ears. SME hardly has the rapping profile with their members, I don't know what they were thinking making BoA do that. Literally ruined the song for everyone.
#9. Super Junior - Mamacita
It's like "Mamacita" was a stepping stone or experiment to figure out how to incorporate international beats. Clearly needed some trial and error since "Lo Siento" was solid whereas "Mamacita" was...not. Everything about this track just feels awkward, like it's going through puberty or something. Even the typically sweet vocals from Kyuhyun and Ryeowook seem off. That rap break by Eunhyuk and Shindong is atrocious, so it's exactly like the average Super Junior rap! "Close your lips, shut your tongue" will always be associated with their cringe rap moments.
#8. TVXQ - Humanoids
TVXQ has had some magnificent highs and dreadful lows. They certainly support those type of eclectic tastes. I reviewed "Humanoids" on the blog before and it only scored a 70 thanks to appearance points and me liking the choreography at the time. Now with a refined taste in Kpop dances I can say it's not a strong dance. The chorus isn't half-bad...if all they were doing was singing. Too much chanting and rambling random shit. A hodge podge of mediocrity creates a mediocre product.

#7. Girls' Generation - The Boys
I don't have too many regrets as far as Kpop is concerned, but I shamefully admit that back in my prime SNSD fanboy days back in 2011 I genuinely enjoyed "The Boys" and thought it was a good song. While it's not bad, it's definitely not good or even average. That chorus packs some serious cringe and the rapping from the non-vocalists was straight dumpster fire. Again: SM has some of the worst rappers in the game. You bet your ass we'll be seeing more of this theme going forward. Considering the clusterfuck of "I Got A Boy" almost made it on here, this will have to do as the Girls' Generation submission of sadness.
#6. EXO - Wolf
You already know. The fucking wolf howling is so bad. Words can't even describe. The entire song is also extremely forgettable, save for the bridge which is a masterpiece. A necessary addition to the Worst Of list because that bridge didn't deserve the "support" from the rest of the track. I wonder how many times they've performed this song after that promotion cycle. And I wonder how many of those members hate it. Hm maybe that's why the Chinese trio left...
#5. Red Velvet - Happiness
Having only talked about this a month ago, we'll keep it brief. The English is awkward, the music video was cringe, and the rapping was pathetic. Truly an amalgamation of SM's strongest qualities in their artists. I considered putting "Happiness" at like #8, but the fact that this was a debut song really hurts it. Honestly it was good for the group that they started with this, since they could've only gone up from there, which they did.
#4. Super Junior - Sexy, Free & Single
Super Junior you get the honor of appearing more than once on this list! Conglaturations! Like other entries, this song has a singular moment that floors you in the wrong way. The phrase / line of "sexy, free and single I'm ready too, bingo" makes zero sense and is as dumb as it is hilarious. But hey that's just another episode of SM's wonderful English. I think this was Yesung's last song before military service back in the day, a tragedy to be sure.
#3. f(x) - Red Light
"Worst Of SME" is the name, disjointed title tracks are my game. You'd be hard-pressed to find a more ugly mashup of short songs than "Red Light." The signature aspect of f(x)'s entry here is the instrumental that is simply...wrong. So many levels of wrong. Coupled with the uncomfortable verses incorporating pseudo-rap, and it's an unpleasant combo. Luna can belt her heart out during the bridge but that isn't gonna rescue this disaster. Fuck I miss f(x).
#2. NCT Dream - Chewing Gum
It pains me to see so many of the younger artists at the top of the worst but it can't be helped. "Chewing Gum" is exactly the type of song that I'd hate if it was sung by a cutesy girl group all wearing schoolgirl uniforms. Now it's sung by a cutesy boy group (who are all short as hell apparently) wearing schoolboy(?) uniforms. It's like VIXX's "Love Equation" on steroids. Nonononono this shit is not okay. I don't even think the hook is catchy. This is only memorable because I want it purged from my memory. The hoverboard performance video was unique at least.
#1. SHINee - Why So Serious?
For this piece, I listened to each of these entries once for science. I suffered through the ugly instrumental of "Red Light" and the bad moments from Super Junior. But I could not stomach a run of "Why So Serious?" from start to finish. There may literally be no redeeming qualities in this song. The vocals and autotune is uncomfortable, the disjointed sections are tough on the ears, and Minho's rapping is Minho's rapping. It's both poetic and bittersweet that SHINee's worst song was one where Jonghyun was absent.

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